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Values

I've had today off of deep thinking and experience-examining, but I still want to blog - heck, I'm on a roll here and feeling inspired to write. So today I'm sharing a really short piece about something that makes me smile. What I have learned about myself in two trips to hospital is that I very much take my values in there with me. I'm every bit as determinedly feminist in a hospital ward as I am on this blog, and even though I was locked up and off my tits on drugs - based on the colouring-in I chose to do, it seems I am fully committed to being an LGBTQ+ ally. I'm even still pro-NHS despite the deep reservations I have about systemic misogyny. So that's nice to know. I think I was drawn t

Things That Don't Add Up

After yesterday's righteous feminist rage, today I felt like I should be having a wee break. But also, HA! This is me we are talking about - and I'm not exactly known for letting go of something that's bothering me until I'm absolutely sure I understand it... However I will try to make it short (ish), I just want to capture the gist of several unanswered questions that have been niggling at me since I left hospital last week. There are a lot of things that don't add up. Why were they insisting that I take meds? The first text message I sent Angus the day after I was admitted (Day 1) included this: "I saw a Consultant this morning who is happy with how I’m doing. She has prescribed me some an

This Much Skin

Let me firstly start this article with something I wish to make absolutely, no shadow of a doubt, 100%, crystal-clear... I have huge, huge love for our NHS, and for the people who are brave and strong enough to continue working in it. The concept of universal healthcare, free at the point of delivery may perhaps be our last bastion of dignity and compassion in a deeply troubled and toxic national identity (I am talking about both Scotland and the wider UK here). That being said, what I want to discuss today is systemic misogyny in the NHS mental health care system, something that's insidious, devastating and so completely normalised that most of us don't even realise it's there. As those of

Me, Myself and I

This blog will be necessarily short, as I am still pretty exhausted after a second 10 day stay in the Royal Edinburgh for my mental health. The first time I ended up in hospital was in October 2018, shortly after opening up about some traumatic stuff from my past. You would be forgiven for thinking, based on my online presence and how I live my life day-to-day, that I find being open and vulnerable easy and even fun. And sometimes, yes, that's true. But ask me to open up to someone I love about something that risks hurting them? That's when I start to struggle. This time round it was much the same story; despite my fears, I opened up about some stuff that I have found painful for some time,

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